As we grapple with the horror and heartache of recent violent attacks in Sydney (my hometown), I share the words of Fred Rogers who once reminded us to seek out the helpers in times of disaster.
I also discuss practical measures to protect your mental well-being and that of our children, in an era where graphic images are but a scroll away—offering insight into how best to curate our digital environment for a healthier emotional state.
Learn more about Fiona's speaking, radio and consultation services at Informed Health: https://informedhealth.com.au/
Sign up to receive our newsletter by clicking here.
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Credit for the music used in this podcast:
The Beat of Nature
As we grapple with the horror and heartache of recent violent attacks in Sydney (my hometown), I share the words of Fred Rogers who once reminded us to seek out the helpers in times of disaster.
I also discuss practical measures to protect your mental well-being and that of our children, in an era where graphic images are but a scroll away—offering insight into how best to curate our digital environment for a healthier emotional state.
Learn more about Fiona's speaking, radio and consultation services at Informed Health: https://informedhealth.com.au/
Sign up to receive our newsletter by clicking here.
Instagram
Facebook
LinkedIn
Credit for the music used in this podcast:
The Beat of Nature
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection with Fiona Kane. I'm your host, Fiona Kane. Today is a bit of a sad day in Sydney. We've had some tragic events happen in the last few days. I'm based in Sydney, Australia. I'm going to talk a little bit not so much about the events but about our response to them as far as managing our stress, managing our mental health and maybe with children as well, in particular, what they're exposed to, because I think it's actually just a really important topic. So I don't want to necessarily always talk about the tragic events of the world. This is about health and well-being. However, there are a lot of tragic events in the world all of the time and they do affect our health and well-being. Obviously, those involved, but I mean for those who see it or hear about it or that kind of thing as well. So I just think it is an important topic. Now that we live in the age of 24-7 social media it's available to us all of the time we need to understand how this stuff affects us and what we can do about it. Now, I'm not the preeminent expert on this by any means. This is kind of just my observations and if you need more support around it, go and see a therapist or someone who is this is their job. But anyway, I just sort of have a bit of a discussion about this because I thought it's important. So, first of all, just my condolences go out to people. I love, my thoughts to everyone who's involved and not just the events that happened in Sydney. There's, you know, in sydney. There's, you know, like I said, there's events all over the place. So just, uh, you know, my heart goes out to everybody.
Fiona Kane:What I wanted to talk about there was a couple of things. So. So one thing I heard a, I heard a quote once and I just looked it up a little while ago just to see who was this person who came up with this quote, and it was Fred Rogers, who in Australia we don't really know Fred Rogers, but except for that Tom Hanks played him in the movie, so I did see that movie. So now I have a vague idea of who he was, but he was obviously a very important person in children's television and in children's education, maybe once upon a time. But anyway, this is something I heard a while ago and I think of it all the time when I see these events play out in the world, and I looked up the quote so I just thought it's actually worth reading the quote because I actually think it's a really, really important quote. Reading the quote because I actually think it's a really, really important quote.
Fiona Kane:So he said that when I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping To this day, especially in times of disaster. I remember my mother's words and I'm always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers, so many caring people in this world, and I really think that's true. So in my mind, I want to just look for the helpers, look at the people who are doing something, because as much as there is evil and there are terrible things in the world, there are also beautiful people and kind people and beautiful things, and the world is both, both exists, and so I think it's just good to keep that balance, because sometimes, when there's lots of things going on, it can be easy to lose that, to understand that there is balance, to remember that there is balance, to remember that it's not all bad. So that quote is one that I really, really like Now. There's a couple of things I wanted to talk about, though, in regards to this. So one is in regards to I don't know that everyone's fully aware of this, or maybe they are, but I don't know that all parents are fully aware of this.
Fiona Kane:Depends on how much they use social media but one of the events unfolded last night when I was sitting in front of the television and I, like a lot of people, I scroll often when I'm in front of the TV, so I'm half watching the TV, half watching my phone and this event unfolded, which was a really brutal stabbing, and it happened on a live stream with a church service. So because it was videoed and it was a live stream, probably to many thousands of people, it got out very quickly that video. So what I was noticing is on the television, they announced it on the television and they showed a photograph, and the photograph was the moment before the stabbing happened, so you could already see the horror, that it was pretty awful, but it was a photograph. But online on social media, it was the video and some of my apps, unfortunately, are set to autoplay, so I hadn't seen the video and I'd made a choice that I wasn't going to press play on that video and then I accidentally saw part of it because I scrolled through Twitter. It was in there there's a million of them in Twitter of this video and it started auto playing right. So I just quickly, quickly closed it and got away from it.
Fiona Kane:But I'm an adult and I found it very confronting and very difficult to watch and I can only imagine what it's like for children. Please be aware that you might be sitting in the laundry room watching the Voice and something will come on television and a news presenter will present it in a sort of a more, I suppose a less, what's the word? I'm looking for a less confronting way, and they usually won't. I don't know about in other countries, but certainly in Australia they won't play certain kinds of footage on television. They play more than maybe what they should sometimes, but anyway, they sort of got rules and laws around that or they've sort of just got ethical standards or maybe a bit of all of that right online. That does not exist, not to the same level right. So understand that your children could be sitting in their bedrooms and they're on their tiktok or their twitter or like I don't know. Kids are on twitter, but you know, whatever they're on right and these videos start to circulate and and they just play like I don't know how I'm not on TikTok, but I assume the videos autoplay because the videos autoplay and so many other things right.
Fiona Kane:So when these events happen, if you see that come up on the news and you have children, my advice is the first thing you do is get them off their devices, take the devices away. I don't care how angry they are, take the devices away and keep them away from all of that. Obviously, there's a lot of nuance here. It depends on the child's age, age appropriateness, what they should know, what they shouldn't know, what they need to know, what they don't. If they don't need to know at all, great. If they need to know a little bit, maybe have that conversation with them. But I just think it's really important that you understand.
Fiona Kane:While you're sitting there watching the sanitized version with just a photo, your children are in there actually watching the brutal stabbing video, and I suspect that would have happened a lot last night and it probably happens a lot in regards to a lot of things going on in the world, unfortunately, when I was growing up, there was one television in the house and we all sat and watched it together and there was no internet and you couldn't really access things. The only thing you could access, even with things like porn, the only thing you could access was maybe a magazine that your friend found or something, but it was never. You couldn't access this hardcore sort of stuff. And even with videos and stuff like that, you have to have access to a television and a video player to play the videos, and it depends on how much time you had alone. But most households you know that someone was there and yeah, anyway, it just wasn't like it is now. So just remember that your children have a lot of access to things that you might not realize.
Fiona Kane:The other thing, too, is and I'm not an expert on this a young person is one that can help you with this, or a tech person, but things like stopping, setting it so that you don't have autoplay on your videos on social media, obviously all the different settings about age appropriateness and which apps are safe to use and all that kind of stuff, and just, really just settings, all the settings that relate to how much you can be exposed to age appropriately in this situation. So just have an awareness around making sure that you're up to date with all of that, because a lot of especially it's hard for, I think, for my parents, for people like me and older. I didn't grow up with all that stuff and, like my parents, certainly didn't grow up with all that stuff, so we don't have always have a full understanding of how much our children can and do see. So I just think it's really, really important to mention that. So the other thing I wanted to mention in regards to this is in regards to what you can do to manage your mental health around these things. So first of all, it's what I've just said.
Fiona Kane:Then it's kind of making choices around how much you want to expose yourself to. Can I see the report on the news and see a photo and know about the thing, but not need to go into it any further? Yes, I can. And can I choose to not play the video? Yes, I can, and that's a good idea. Is the video going to be? Is there going to be something helpful about me seeing the video? Probably not. So it's kind of making those kinds of choices.
Fiona Kane:But then it's also, you know, it can be other practical things. So it can be, you know, going outside and going for a walk or going outside or you know, depending on where you are, time of day, all that sort of stuff. But, like I said before, like when Mr Rogers was talking about looking for the helpers, it is actually just looking for things that are good in the world, and so it might be looking for something that's beautiful, so it might be going outside, look for a butterfly, look for a pretty bird, look for the cute dog, you know, whatever it is that might be going and hugging your children, because you know, know children, like just the fact that you've got your children in your home and you're safe and you know all that kind of stuff is, you're pretty lucky, right. So it's just kind of that kind that kind of thing of just connecting and just looking for stuff that is beautiful and that is positive, because that exists as well. It could also mean doing like, if you actually, if there's something you can do about whatever the events are and you feel driven to do that, that is fine. Obviously you do what's right for you. I don't make those decisions, you do, and a lot of great people who have, you know, got stood up against different injustices in the world and made a difference. So I've got no issue there.
Fiona Kane:Obviously, it's wonderful that people step up and make a difference and it was wonderful to actually see on the weekend with the incident that happened in the shopping center here in Bondi Junction, is there was one police officer. She was on her own and at that point on her own as a police officer. She was on her own and at that point on her own as a police officer. There was no other police with her at that immediate moment and she was running towards the perpetrator, but there was, I think, some of the people might have been security, but they weren't all. There was actually a whole bunch of the public, maybe six or seven people, running with her and I was really impressed by that because I thought, wow, okay, the public are running with that policewoman and they're supporting her. And they did support and there was people. There was a man pushing the perpetrator down the escalator with a bollard and saying no, you're not coming up to this level, and stopped him and held him back for a while. So he doing that obviously made a difference with the timing of getting time to get the police there and all that kind of thing.
Fiona Kane:And you know there was obviously some really heroic things with. You know, mothers saving their babies and people helping the injured and all of that beautiful stuff. And you know security police, all of the thing, people helping the injured and all of that beautiful stuff. You know, security police, all of the thing. But I was really just, I was glad to see all of that, the heroic stuff and the human spirit right, because the human spirit always shines through. So you know, there's darkness in the world, but the dark and the light, they do exist together, and so it's just really important to acknowledge both and not focus on one over the other, just know that they're both there and whenever there's darkness around, it's just focus on the light and focus on the other things that balance it.
Fiona Kane:So for me it's just choosing what I look at. So it doesn't mean I'm not noticing the bad stuff. I absolutely am, don't worry about that. But it's also kind of I noticed so many things that were good as well. Good might be the wrong word, I suppose good, but I'm not trying to turn the event into something that's good or lessen the tragedy or the loss or any of that. That's not the conversation I'm having here. I hope it's not coming across that way.
Fiona Kane:What I'm just talking about more is how we manage our mental health and how we manage it in our mind and how we talk about it in our mind and how that works. And for me it's by seeing the tragedy, seeing the evil, but also seeing the beauty and seeing the helpers and the good things on the other side of it, sort of thing. That's what I'm talking about, if I wasn't clear there. The other thing, too is you can do prayer circles, meditation circles, whatever it is that works for you prayer circles, meditation circles, and whatever it is that works for you and or you can go and do something about situations if you are driven to do that. That is fine as well, but I just think it's important to learn how to manage your mental health around these things and uh, and you yourself know what, how much that you should see.
Fiona Kane:Most people have a pretty good idea of their level of I suppose the word might be sensitivity, but we're all kind of got a different level of sensitivity where some people just get really overwhelmed and really upset and the empathy is so high, um, and ridiculously high to the point, that it's unhealthy, you know. And then there's other people who can sort of pretty much watch everything and everything in between, right, I think people get a feel for who they are and when you do that, you manage that sensibly. But the other thing, too is I think it's also really important to have a reality check on the world that there is a lot of evil in the world but there is a lot of beauty in the world and there is a lot of unfairness, injustice in the world. There is, there just is, and equity is not possible. Not everyone's going to get the same outcome. Even if you try to make that happen which they are trying to make that happen at the moment, it's just not possible, right?
Fiona Kane:Equity is a quality of outcome. So you know, are you going to put me in an NBA team 50 plus old woman who's got lots of muscle issues and pain and five foot tall? Should I deserve to be on the nba team because I'm short and I've missed out and so I should get to be on that team? No, it's just as simple as that. I'm never going to be, never going to win a gold medal in any sport of any kind and um, and that's just reality, right? So, uh, so you can't have equity in everything. You just can't have the same outcome for everything.
Fiona Kane:But also there is just injustices in the world in general. There's wars, there's corrupt governments, there's all sorts of awful things happening here, there and everywhere, and I know when I was younger, I used to get really, really upset about it. I'm not saying I, I still do like I, I have an awareness of it and I get. There's certain things that I certainly do get really annoyed about and I focus my attention on, and I suppose it's that I choose. I choose what I focus my attention on, and if there's a cause I want to focus my attention on and what's the best way to focus my attention on that and it might be to learn about it and talk about it here. It might be to support my clients through their challenges with these things. It might be just to put lots of beautiful things out into the world and care for people and love people, and that's how I do it. It could be voting for a particular political party or joining a protest or whatever it is.
Fiona Kane:So there's different ways of of of actively being involved in some way or doing your bit, but your bit looks like different things, so your bit could look like bringing up good children who are probably good is the wrong word, but you know, children who are healthy and you know function are going to be a great addition to the world and going to help the world sort of thing. So that could be your contribution, which is a major contribution, right when your contribution could be coming up, the scientific thing that solves this problem or that problem. So there's different ways that we can contribute sort of either directly or indirectly to specific issues or just in general the things going on in the world. So I think it's good to know what your wheelhouse is, what you're good at, where you're suited and you do your thing and your version of it, and that's okay as well. So some people will be very involved in an issue and some people won't.
Fiona Kane:But I do know that I used to get myself very upset a lot about the injustice of the world and how it should be fixed and that should be fixed. And it's not to say that we shouldn't try and fix injustices in the world and that we can't make some change or affect some change, because obviously there's been some amazing things you know in in the world that have come, that changed because of the people you know, like the end of slavery, whatever those wonderful world that have come that changed because of the people you know, like the end of slavery, whatever there's wonderful things that have happened because people did fight injustices. So I'm not saying by any means that we can't or should not do that. At the same time, though, it is good to understand something I didn't understand when I was younger, but I understand more now that I'm older is that things are really nuanced and there's a lot of reasons why there's injustices and we're kind of black and white. It should be like this and it should be like that, and if you fix this, that will fix that.
Fiona Kane:But it's not always that we kind of try and fix things with compassion, and compassion can be a good thing, but compassion can also be toxic and be not helpful at all. So I just think that, yeah, when you're young and excited about things, you can think very simplistic ways of how things should be done or how things should look, and the world's a lot more complicated than that. So I think it's good to understand it's complicated. It's good to understand that it is unfair and, yes, where you can make it fair or where you can make a difference and all that sort of stuff, wonderful. However, to live in this planet and to live this human life and to be okay with it and to sort of just get on with your life and not be gripped with constant grief and fear and all of those things, I think it requires a certain level of just an acceptance of the world is a complex place. Like I said, there's dark and there's light, there's injustices. There always will be injustices. It doesn't mean you can't change some of that, but you can't fix all of that. And I think the more that we kind of have a uh, that we understand dark and light they come together. The good and bad come together. The world is um complicated place. The more we kind of understand that picture, the less we try.
Fiona Kane:And what's a better way of saying this? Eckhart Tolle always talks about that anxiety. A major cause of anxiety is wishing things to be different to how they are. And while it's good to wish for things to be different, a good place to start to help keep you calm and just help you be realistic and help you function is start in reality, start where you are, and then you can say it would be really nice for that to be true. And if that's something that you can work towards or that you can make a difference, or that you can make true, then that you can make true, then that's wonderful, then do that.
Fiona Kane:However, some people wear themselves out bashing, you know, bashing their head up against a brick wall about something you know the injustice of the world. I'm gonna fix all the injustice of the world. And no, you're not, that's not gonna happen. And if that's your goal, that's going to be exhausting and it's going to really take a toll on your physical and mental health. So it's just that balance between understanding the reality of the world, having a level of acceptance about a lot of stuff in the world. Start from where you are and then just work within that, depending on who you are and what you do or don't want to contribute, or where your wheelhouse is, where your talents lie and what works for you.
Fiona Kane:But yeah, essentially I think it's just that and understand that the amount of media that we consume really does affect our mental health, some people more than others. So just know yourself, it's no different to how much food you consume or what food you consume. I think you've got to consider media in the same way. How much media do you consume? Like it's not all good and it's not all bad? That's again. Media is part of the world, which means it's nuanced and some of it is good and some of it is bad and some of it. You know all of the everything, the whole rainbow there, right? So understand that you might need to go on a diet for media if it's affecting you and have a whole lot less or have more of a certain kind or less of a certain kind.
Fiona Kane:But whatever it is, just understand how what you're seeing in the world is affecting you, how you're understanding it, and make sure you have age-appropriate conversations with your children around some of this stuff as well, because they haven't had I've had enough experience in life now to have seen so many scares about so many things and so much stuff that's turned out to be not true that I'm a lot more relaxed about things now, that things will sort themselves out, but and I'll do my bit and other people do their bit and focusing on the helpers, right. So just to have those conversations with your children as well, whatever the age appropriate conversation is, but just have an awareness that if they've got one of these things, they've got one of these things, they've got one of these things. They are being potentially exposed to a lot more than you would ever realize and that is something that you can't unsee, some of these things. So it's best to have these conversations and if you have to go and turn off your internet router, then do that. I know a lot of parents who do that at night. They turn it off at night and that's it once. They yeah, because they can't be sure the kids aren't going to turn on their devices or leave the bedroom and go and find the devices. And if you take all the devices into your bedroom, that's another way of doing it. Whatever works for you anyway, just have an awareness around that.
Fiona Kane:So again, just my love goes to everybody who's been affected by any tragedy or disaster at the moment, whatever that looks like, and thinking of my town, sydney, and sending my love out to people in Sydney as well, and I just really do have an admiration for the number of people in Sydney who've stood up and done some really beautiful things in the last few days. It's really heartening to see and that's me choosing to see the beauty and see the, the helpers and see the people who are making a difference, because there are plenty of those people. Don't only focus on the evil, don't only do that. Uh, light, uh, you know, darkness only exists when you don't shine light on it. You shine light. Light on it, it reduces the darkness. So my thing is to shine the light on it, which is what all of those beautiful people are doing. So, anyway, I think I will leave it at that.
Fiona Kane:Please, can you like subscribe? I think it's called follow now, not subscribe, actually. So like, follow, share, comment, any of those things. Remember, if you're listening to this, this is on Rumble and YouTube as a video as well, so you can comment under those if you want to. And for those of you watching on either side here on YouTube, there's a subscribe on one side and a video on the other. I can't remember which is which, but you can watch another one of my videos and just thank you for supporting my channel. I hope you have a good week and let's hope this week is a lot better than the last one, particularly for my hometown, sydney. Anyway, thank you so much and I will see you all again talk to you next week. Thank you, bye-bye.