Episode 57: Have you been buried or planted? Overcoming Setbacks

Living with chronic health issues can be really frustrating and confusing. In this episode I discuss some of my own current challenges to explore the meaning in struggle and challenge in the hopes that we can all learn how to reduce how much time we can be stuck in the quagmire of "its not fair" and "I quit" in relation to life's challenges.

It is all about the resilience we muster to rise again, adapting our strategies, and embracing the reality struggle as part of life. It's a conversation about finding hope when progress seems as elusive and ultimately learning how to dance with life; and know the difference between being buried and being planted, even though they both seem the same.

Learn more about Fiona's speaking, radio and consultation services at Informed Health: https://informedhealth.com.au/

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Credit for the music used in this podcast:

The Beat of Nature

Music by Olexy from Pixabay

Transcript

Fiona Kane: 0:31

Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast with Fiona Kane. I'm your host, Fiona Kane, and it's great to have you back again this week. So today what I wanted to talk about is something that's well, it's something that's personal and something that's not. So it's something that's personal for me, but also I have an awareness in talking about it that there's other people that are experiencing the same thing, and I think it's actually really, really important to normalize some things, because I think that in our world, where we watch other people online and on social media and imagine that they have such better lives than we do, it's actually important to acknowledge the truth about life. So what I wanted to talk about really is that the challenge of for me it's in a health situation, but it could translate to a business or just any life stuff really. But that whole idea of in health, what happens to me is I do have a lot of sort of chronic health problems and what happens to me is I get so far and I feel like, okay, I'm doing really well and I'm getting there, like getting there I don't know if that's another question like what's there but then what happens is it all falls apart. It all falls apart, because the thing that I'm doing, I'm working really really hard on, say, exercise, because I know I've got specific goals around strength and fitness and whatever and then it causes, like it irritates it to what's the word I'm looking for it inflames my pain or causes me to be in more pain, and so the chiropractor more, because I'm really sore from doing exercise. And there's exercise soreness, which is the normal. You know, when you exercise you actually do tear muscle and then the muscle repairs and then the repair is actually allows for the growth. So that's how muscle growth happens. So I'm well aware of pain related to exercise. So there's normal pain related to exercise, which is the muscle growth, but then there's a pain related to exercise which is, you know, you just pull something or tear something or something that's kind of you have to recover from in a different way because it's more of like an injury or you know, pain. So this is something that I've experienced pretty much my whole life.

Fiona Kane: 2:51

I do have some pain issues and some muscle issues and this happens to me all of the time and I was sharing my frustration with someone and I just thought, look, I'm going to share it here just because, again, like I said, it's really important that we understand that for many people, if not everyone, this is normal right. So, essentially, like I said, I've been doing some right. So, essentially, like I said, I've been doing some. I've got some exercises from a personal trainer and I've been doing them and adjusted them a little bit here and there with him and with my chiropractor, but then, like, my pain's just been all triggered again and it's it's been really challenging time and I've had to back right off and go back to the drawing board and now I'm looking at other alternatives in regards to exercise more things to do with stretching, that kind of stuff, because that might be what I need right now.

Fiona Kane: 3:43

But I just wanted to talk about the fact that when this happens, like when this happens to me, my first response is to be really paid off. It really is. I get really annoyed because it's like, oh, I won't say the words, but for crying out loud, right, I've been working so hard for this. This is so frustrating, it's just not fair. And so I do go through a period where I get really annoyed or really angry and really paid off at the world, and then sometimes that's followed by a period where I'm feeling depressed or feeling really like a withdrawal a bit, or I just kind of feel like giving up, you know that sort of oh, I give up, it's all too hard, right. So that happens.

Fiona Kane: 4:23

But then I do move past that and it can be hard and I know that my example, compared to many people, is just, it's just a nothing, but it's just my experience as my example, right. So I'm well aware that I'm not telling this story because I want sympathy, because poor me. I'm just telling the story as an example because there's millions of these stories around with other people and I just think it's really important that people understand that it's kind of a normal process. This stuff happens in life, right. So essentially, what I do is I give myself a moment to feel sorry for myself or feel angry, you know, whinge at whoever the poor nearest person is around me, or my mentor or coach, or my husband or whoever it is, have a whinge and feel sorry for myself and basically lick my wounds or whatever, and then I go back to the drawing board and say, all right, well then, what do I need to do? So it's not a matter of giving up, it's a matter of just renegotiating how it's going to be played or how I need to do it, or getting more information and getting different advice, whatever it is.

Fiona Kane: 5:31

And I just wanted to say that that it really is. It's a really normal thing to happen to people and I know that sometimes when I look around, I think, oh, this only happens to me and everyone else seems to be doing great. And it's not really true, because when I actually do stop and talk to people as I talk to many people throughout my week I hear everyone's stories and there's so many variations on this story and what I find one of the hardest things is I was actually talking to someone about this earlier today. I was talking to someone about believing there's a light at the end of the tunnel. When it feels like there just is no light and it's very easy to say and that's what the person said to me it kind of pretty much feels very easy to say that and it is very easy to say that and you know, words are words and a lot of words kind of are just like empty. You know empty platitudes or whatever. So again, I understand it and when I'm in the moment when this is happening to me and I feel like feeling sorry for myself. Those empty platitudes tend to pee me off.

Fiona Kane: 6:32

But at the same, it really is true that I think sometimes in life when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to know it's there, because it is there, but you just don't know it and you can't see it, you can't perceive it, so you might have to be around someone else who does see it for you. If you're a person of faith, then that might work really well for you because you'll have faith that God or whatever belief system you have, has got it planned for you. But I just think it's really, really important to find some sort of faith that it's there, however you structure that in your life, whatever that looks like for you. Because in my experience, there is around the corner, there is something else around the corner. There's, there's opportunity, but we don't see it if we get really kind of rigid and really stuck in our way of, well, I wanted it to look like this and it had to look like this, and. And if it can't look like this, I'm just going to stand here like, you know, like a toddler and chuck my stuff out of the, chuck my things out of the cot and have a dummy spit and whatever I mean. You can do that and, believe me, I've had my fair share of times where I've done that. So you can certainly do that and it might momentarily be useful or whatever, but essentially it's unhelpful long term. You can't stay in that place.

Fiona Kane: 7:58

And you've all heard me anyone who's been listening to this podcast for long enough go on and on about lyrics by Wren. So Wren Gill is his name. And again, just referring back to that, at the end of a song called Hi Wren, which I talk about in an earlier episode I can't remember the episode, sorry, maybe four or five, I don't know, but anyway he says Hi Ren in the name of the episode, so you'll be able to find it. But he talks about this because he's had major, major, major health issues and he talked about that exact experience. And at the end of that song he does a spoken word part and in that spoken word part he actually does that exact experience. And at the end of that song he does a spoken word part and in that spoken word part he actually does talk about this.

Fiona Kane: 8:39

He actually says you know, it was never really a battle for me to win. It was an eternal dance, right. So it's knowing that this is a dance, this is. You know, you get rigid and say but I want it to be that way, it's supposed to be like this, it's not fair. Like it say but I want it to be that way, it's supposed to be like this, it's not fair, it should be like this. And I get it. I absolutely get it. I understand. But the way he talks about it, the way Ren talks about it, he says it's an eternal dance.

Fiona Kane: 9:03

And the more rigid I became, the harder it got. So when you act like that two-year-old which I used to be, that two-year-old, my poor mother would have told you that when she was here and I was that really horrible two-year-old, chucking the tantrum and carrying on. But you can stand there rigidly in that pose and be that, but just where does it get you right? Ultimately, it doesn't get you anywhere. And so he talks about the more rigid he became, the harder it got. And then he said the more I cursed my clumsy footsteps, the more I struggled. And so it's being in that anger and it's being in that resentment, it's being in that place, right, that just keeps you in struggle. And he said the more I cursed my clumsy footsteps, like I just said, the more I struggled. But then he said so I got older and I learned to relax and I learned to soften and the dance got easier. And I think that's a really important lesson in this, because a lot of life is about learning how to dance. And it's learning how to dance, it's learning how to adapt.

Fiona Kane: 10:04

Because you might think that you're dancing the frock's trot and I'd like. I don't know my dances, so I'm going to really give myself away here by naming all stupid dances, unrelated, whatever. But you might think you're dancing one dance and then it's actually it's a waltz or you know it's a salsa or like some other dance and you might in your life have to adjust and you sort of go and do this one and then you go back to that one and then you go, you know that just might be how it is. Well, that is how it is right. That's life. So you can get really, really stuck and say that the plan was this and it should be this and I want this, and you can say that if life is um, if life is taking you in a different direction of life has thrown you a curveball or life has thrown you whatever challenge, that just might not be an option. It might not be an option at all. It just might not be an option for now.

Fiona Kane: 10:58

And sort of learning how to be resilient. Learning how to have resilience is actually learning how to have some grace around adjusting that dance, and sometimes you need to stop the dance, sometimes you need to sit on the sidelines and wait it out, sometimes you need to slow it down, sometimes it gets faster, sometimes the steps change, all of that. But learning how to have that resilience and be part of life's dance and just accept that that's part of it is actually a really important life skill. Excuse me, I'm just going to have a sip of my tea. So yes, it's a really, really important part. It's a really important skill for life and I just think it's really important that people understand that, because I think that people that's when people do give up. They give up. It's just all too hard. They give up, and I understand that there's a million reasons why people give up and they're all very valid reasons and I hear people's stories every day and their challenges every day and sometimes you do, you know yourself, you see it.

Fiona Kane: 11:58

When you see people's stories or you read people's stories, you sort of think, oh my God, I don't think I could have done that, how did they do that? But what's the option? So it's like well, either I believe that there's light at the end of the tunnel and in my experience there always has been, something's been there or you believe that there's nothing, but nothingness is just depressing. So I choose to believe there's light at the end of the tunnel, because the light at the end of the tunnel is what makes me get out of bed and go and do things and achieve things, and believing that actually allows me to like doors open up for me and experiences and opportunities happen because I'm open to them, whereas if I'm kind of just, you know, doing the dummy spit and just standing there rigidly, kind of that's not fair, life happened to me I'm not happy. Not happy, jan. That's a tv commercial in australia that was on many years ago that some of you will relate to. But yeah, the dummies only get you so far, right.

Fiona Kane: 12:52

So, and life, a lot of life, is actually learning how to, learning how to dance and learning how to be resilient and learning how to go with the flow some of the time and learning how to just go back to the basics, go back to the drawing board and adjust the plan, put the plan on hold, whatever you need to do, but sometimes that life happens and you just need to do that. Life has seasons and you will have seasons that are fun and you'll have seasons that are awful and everything in between, and it's actually really normal. I think that's the other thing, too, that a lot of people like. What I'm talking about. The experience I'm talking about is not the exception, it's the norm, right?

Fiona Kane: 13:36

I don't know if it's just like the online world or what it is, but a lot of us somehow think that success in life, or having a good life, means it always goes well and we're always happy and it's always great. And while all those things are desirable it's desirable to have happiness and success and all of those things the reality of life is there's a lot of struggle in life there really is, but there is also great and beautiful stuff and fun stuff as well. Both of it exists, and I think that when we pretend there's only one side to it, we miss out. So if you pretend that, if you tell yourself that it's only all bad. Well then you miss out on all of the good. But if you tell yourself it's only good, then you'll be really shocked by the bad. But if you tell yourself it's only good, then you'll be really shocked by the bad and really struggle. Resilience will be hard because you'll be like how could this have happened? How could this happen to me? Why is this happening to me? Or why not? Why not you? I don't know, because awful stuff happens all the time. So I'm not saying life is about struggle just to make you feel depressed. It's not only about struggle, but that is part of what life is about. And if you understand that, if you just kind of go okay, this is not the exception, this is a norm. Stuff happens, right, life happens, and it's about learning to do the dance and learning to change it and learning to be resilient and just sometimes going with the flow and reassessing All of that. It's just really really important to understand that and it's really one of the things actually there's.

Fiona Kane: 15:16

I might not make this one too long. I might just keep this a shorter one because I don't want to go on and on about it. But I talk to so many people. This is such a common experience for people, especially in health, because what happens in health is when you are on your health journey, trying to sometimes just getting a diagnosis can take a year, two years, 10 years, 20 years, right. So even just getting a diagnosis before people can start getting a treatment. And then treatments it might be all different treatments that you try until you find the ones that work. And you do natural therapies. One works and one doesn't, or you do medication, medication makes you real sick or the medication cures you, or whatever.

Fiona Kane: 15:55

But there's so variations of this and it is a journey and it is work and it is hard and uh, and people have, like I said this could I could be describing a career. I could be describing, you know, a course that you're doing. I could be describing, you know, being married, all different things. Life is just full of you know, there's challenges and there's highs and lows and it's all of the in-between. And I just think that if we understand that that's how it is, we are more prepared for the journey because instead of when we get sort of a wave come over and wash us and push us over, staying too much in the poor me or why me place, which you are, by the way, allowed to be in. If you live there, it's going to be a miserable life for you. So, essentially, at some point we need to choose, that maybe we're not going to live there. Well, it's a choice, but I would advise you to choose not to live there. If that's something that you can do, then that's a good idea, because we really need to know that there's going to be waves, and I've talked about it before.

Fiona Kane: 17:06

But my mentor, shandu Shandu Bigford she's been on this podcast before. She always talks to me about the snakes and ladders and it really is like snakes and ladders, a game of snakes and ladders. Like you climb up this ladder and you're climbing and climbing and climbing it's so hard. And you game of snakes and ladders. Like you climb up this ladder and you're climbing and climbing and climbing it's so hard and you reach the top or you get near the top and you're like, wow, I've got there and I'm almost there and I'm so close. And then, in the game of snakes and ladders, then you land on a snake and you slide all the way back down again, right, and so it's so easy, when you slide all the way back down again to give up.

Fiona Kane: 17:39

It's normal to feel that way, that you want to give up, but you just need to get yourself back on a ladder. You might need a smaller ladder, you might need smaller steps, you might need a break, whatever you need but ultimately we need to get ourselves back on the ladder, because that's just how life is and it's not particularly special for you. It's not just punishing you Life is like that but also when you learn to get back up and look for the helpers, look for the support, look for the ladder, you actually find there's lots of good things as well and there's people who will support you and there's people who you know. You go back out into the world and you talk about it, and you talk about the challenge and you find that you just happen to be in the right place at the right time and someone says but did you know about such and such? And that information opens up a whole world to you? Or you'll just find the right specialist or the right nutritionist or whoever, and or you'll be talking to a friend and they'll just you know.

Fiona Kane: 18:33

So sometimes, when it just seems like it's all lost, you just kind of uh, you have a conversation. It could be with the postman, wherever it is, and you just get this new bit of information that you didn't have before or something changes, or something changes in the world or something changes around you. You meet someone or whatever, and all of a sudden all these opportunities open up and all this change happens and you couldn't have seen it coming. You can't see it coming because there's a lot of things in life you could never see coming, but they are there and they do happen and um and so unfortunately, we can't assess what might happen in the future with the information we have now, because we don't know all the things are going to happen in the next couple of weeks or the next couple of years. So we kind of make assumptions about what can and can't happen based on the information we have now, when we don't know that there's going to be 10 new resources and opportunities that happen in the next few weeks that are going to open it up for us, right? So life is like that and that's exactly what happens. So it's just knowing. When you know that that's how it works, then I find anyway I'm more able to hang in there, even when I feel like I can't hang in there, because I do know I've been around for long enough to know that that's how life works.

Fiona Kane: 19:50

The last thing I wanted to mention is there's a meme that has gone around social media I've seen it go around a few times and it's actually the depiction of, I think, a couple of seeds below the ground and the caption says you know, sometimes in life you feel like you've been buried, but you've actually been planted right. And I think it's really, really important because, like I said, sometimes you do feel like you've been buried. You feel like you're just under all of this rubble, under all this dirt, and there's no light at the end of the tunnel, there's no out, there's nothing there feels like there's nothing, and you've actually been planted and you're growing and the feeling that you're having now, the feeling of struggle and the exhaustion and that I want to give up and it's not fair, and all those different despair, whatever feelings you're having now, they are part of the struggle, they are part of what makes that seed grow and and the seed will grow from the struggle is part of it. There's even the analogy to the butterfly and the caterpillar that the caterpillar is in that cocoon and you could sort of say oh that poor caterpillar, it's in a cocoon, I'll just cut it out, that'll make it so much easier. If you do that, though, it would never be able to fly, because it's actually the struggle that it goes through to get itself out of the cocoon that strengthens its wings or whatever. I don't know if I'm going to get the language wrong, but anyway that allows it to fly, and if it didn't have that struggle, it would not actually be able to fly. So it's really, really important to understand that actually struggle has a purpose. Struggle and going back to the analogy of I was talking about forward muscles and bones and things like that they actually get stronger through through being worked on, through being used, through struggle.

Fiona Kane: 21:59

So, uh, so back to that sort of analogy of you know, have you been buried or have you been planted? You've been planted, and the way you're feeling and the struggle is actually part of how you grow and how you're sort of as a little seedling, you're kind of going to move towards the surface and actually come up through the surface and find and see the light. So that is the truth of it. When we actually feel like there's no hope and we've been buried and there's just nothing. You have not been buried, you've been planted.

Fiona Kane: 22:33

So I want you to just keep that in mind and remember that this week and just know that these things you know my story is by no means unique. I was just sharing it with you to share that this happens. It happens to whether you're a health professional or whoever you are. Life happens to all of us and so I just wanted to share that with you, because I know you've got your own version of that story or you will have your own version of that story because you're living the human experience.

Fiona Kane: 23:00

So you haven't been buried, you've been planted and that means that you can grow. But the struggle is part of how you grow. You struggle and sometimes you get fertilizer poured all over you to help you grow right. So you really do feel like you have been buried, but you really have been planted. So I hope that is really helpful for you today. I hope you have a great week and I'll talk to you again next week. Please don't forget to share, comment, like and I think it's subscribe or is it follow, where it depends on where you are. I would really appreciate that and share this with your, with your friends and, like I said, hope you have a great week and I'll talk to you next week. Thank you bye.