The Wellness Connection with Fiona Kane

Episode 93 The Power of Connection and Intuition in Overcoming Adversity

• Fiona Kane • Season 1 • Episode 93

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In this episode Fiona chats to Chintamani Bird who is an expert in biophilic design, we delve into parts of an extraordinary story of resilience and courage. From agoraphobia to the unexpected gift that came from a devastating horseback riding accident. We discuss how Chintamani embraced pivotal moments (darkness and light) that lead to a renewed appreciation for life.

The episode continues to unravel the magic of human connection, intuition, and compassion. A life-changing encounter with a young man in a McDonald's car park, you are going to want to hear this story!

We explore what it truly means to heal and grow. With stories that range from chance meetings to introspective healing practices, we invite you to listen in and reflect on the potential for beauty amidst life’s challenges.

Ever wondered how your environment could be the key to unlocking better mental health? We also discuss the transformative power of biophilic design. "Love of life" is more than just a phrase; it's a principle that could redefine our living spaces and cities, offering a sanctuary for healing and wellbeing.


These are some links for Chintamani:

https://studiochintamani.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/chintamani-bird-lfa-b3a90662

https://www.instagram.com/studio.chintamani

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557684881987

Learn more about booking a nutrition consultation with Fiona: https://informedhealth.com.au/

Learn more about Fiona's speaking and media services: https://fionakane.com.au/

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Credit for the music used in this podcast:

The Beat of Nature

Music by Olexy from Pixabay



Fiona Kane:

Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast with Fiona Kane. I have another guest today and we're going to be talking about focusing on healing and not hurting. My guest today is Chintamani Bird. Hi, Chintamani.

Chintamani Bird:

Hi Fiona, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here today.

Fiona Kane:

Well, I'm glad that you agreed to come on and I'm sure that our listeners and watchers will when they hear your story, because it's an interesting story, or some of your stories anyway, because you've got many. For those who don't know you, would you like to introduce yourself a little bit?

Chintamani Bird:

Sure, at the moment. I studied to be an interior designer in my 40s and I one of the things that drives me. I've also worked with kids with disabilities as a teacher's aide, and I think I've worn many hats over the years, you know being a mum, I've been an interior designer, teacher's aide, I've also worked in finance and all these sort of different things. But one of the things that brings me here today is I really am quite passionate about something that we call biophilic design and people go hmm, what is?

Fiona Kane:

that? Yeah, it's biophilic design. What is that yeah?

Chintamani Bird:

So one of the things, one of my passions is the environment, mental health, and when you're actually designing spaces, you can actually impact people's mental health, physical wellbeing and also expedite physical healing. So, and one of the things that I love and that's just how you design spaces, you know, and one of the big things like biophilic design is translated means love of life you know, love of life Beautiful.

Chintamani Bird:

And sometimes we don't really know what that means, you know. And so biophilic design supports. You know we often think about just surviving life, just being able to get through the day. You know, things happen and things aren't always rosy, you know, and one of the things about biophilic design it's you have thriving and you have um, just surviving. And in between that, to traverse between one to two, is healing, and by the biophilic design is the ability to support your own healing. And it's really important that we look at. You know, it's such a massive sort of concept that we really need to understand. How in the hell do I do that? And it's through connection, and biophilic design is all about connection connection to yourself, connection to the environment, connection to the place that you live in, and so really interesting stuff. You know we often love going to beaches for holidays and different things, so biophilic design is a way to translate your environment into something that can heal not only your heart, your soul, your body and your mind, and this is all clinically proven.

Chintamani Bird:

This is something that they do in hospitals, prisons in Norway, hospitals in Norway and in Singapore. Changi Hospital does it. It's a big biophilic design city, so it's a massive amount of science that goes into this.

Fiona Kane:

I was thinking about that when you were talking about that just before you said holidays, I was thinking the same thing. I was thinking probably one of the reasons that people you know feel rest and restored after holidays. Obviously there's lots of different reasons, but one of them reasons that people you know um, feel rest and restored after holidays. Obviously there's lots of different reasons, but one of them is that we're often are drawn to the beach or the forest or the bush or somewhere, somewhere very nature sort of place, and so we're often, uh, quite connected to nature and have lots of and stay somewhere that's beautiful or be in the be in nature's beauty somewhere, and that's part of it. Isn't it part of why holidays are so healing?

Chintamani Bird:

It is One of the things with the studies, with biophilic design and how they've proven it is that we're genetically geared for our own survival to be connected to the environment because we live on this planet. We are not above this planet. We are acting to be integrated into this planet, despite Gucci's thoughts, anyway. So when we're looking at biophilic design, we really need to understand that. When we're connected to other living systems because that's what biophilic design we really need to understand that. When we're connected to other living systems because that's what biophilic design is the water, the animals, the trees, the plants, you know, indigenous culture is really very, very integral part of living with country. Or you have the Inuits, who also have their own sort of version of that, as well as the Indigenous cultures of not Spain, of America. You're sort of looking at all how we are meant to be. We are preordained genetically, biochemically connected to other things.

Fiona Kane:

Yes, yeah, it's a very big thing in the health space where we're looking at with people.

Fiona Kane:

You know, we're always talking to people about their circadian rhythms and their circadian rhythms so that's 24-hour cycle on how your body, a lot of your processes in your body work based on light at a certain time of day and dark at a certain time of day and going out and being in that natural light for certain parts of the day and being connected with nature and things like grounding and so a lot of that is.

Fiona Kane:

You know, we're seeing that now with issues that people have with stress and sleep and so many health issues and really in health we are sort of starting to look at that. And also, being a nutritionist, I talk to people about the you know the seasons and sort of eating seasonally, so eating sort of local grown seasonal food as opposed to something that's been flown in from the other side of the world. That's not part of your season kind of thing. So, yes, we are seeing in health we're starting to join the dots and kind of go back and say, oh okay, it's not just about whether or not you have vitamin B3 or whatever it is, while those individual things can be useful, but it's also a lot about connecting back in with that whole, connecting with the space that we live in, the place that we live in and all of the energy of that energy of the earth, energy of the spirit world, whatever it is, however you describe it, but it's connecting back in with that energy.

Chintamani Bird:

Yes, I think connection is really an important part of life and we are so drawn to how our environment really sort of talks to us and how we talk to it.

Chintamani Bird:

One of the studies that we show is that well, not me personally show, but that has been recorded is that when you're actually dealing with either cancer or with mental health issues, if you actually are in a hospital and you have a window facing concrete, your brain doesn't understand what's going on, so it actually increases the pain response to you, so you feel more pain, your cortisol levels increase, which is again not great for healing. Um, and also, uh, you will find that you'll need more medication compared to connecting to a vista or a view, um, having plants in the space, having fractals in the space, feeling connected to your environment, and it could be just the window, um, you'll find that there was a study in Norway which I always bring up, in a psychiatric hospital. They designed in a certain way with direct and indirect causes with the world, and within 12 months there was a 50% reduction in the psychiatric hospital of physical restraints. There was a 20% reduction in medication people needing medication.

Chintamani Bird:

And this is for people with severe psychiatric disorders. So it is incredible how just connecting to the environment, connecting to the world, connecting to the people, how healing that actually can be.

Fiona Kane:

Yes, yeah, and if anyone's wondering what that sound is, you're babysitting a dog. So there's just a little doggy in the background, isn't there? People are like what's that funny sound?

Chintamani Bird:

We have three dogs here two sausage dogs and three little um uh chihuahua. That's um.

Fiona Kane:

Yeah, that needs a lot of support I can just see the little little feet moving around and people might be what. What is that sound? So just if you're listening at home, you come what is that weird sound? That's what it is. It's a biophilic design. It it's just natural, connecting to nature. It's all part of it.

Fiona Kane:

But you know, the other thing too is that, in regards to sort of health studies and things, there is a study the longest study I think, that has been done on looking at longevity, and not just longevity but having our brain function, our cognitive function, for a long time, you know, for the longest time, and you know they've been doing this study for a long time, for the longest time, and they've been doing this study for a long time through Harvard University. And I think they thought when they first started doing it that they were going to find that the answer to longevity was something like your cholesterol number or some other thing like that. But they actually found it's connection that when you have connection to other people and people have your back, that is actually what bodes well for longevity and good cognitive function as we get older. Yeah, which won't surprise you.

Chintamani Bird:

I think one of the things that is really surprising is how the brain works. You know I love psychology and that's part of the biophilic design and how the brain actually reacts to certain spaces and certain environments, and also that is through life experience. But there's also that genetic reptilian brain that really has evolved and is fully formed when we're born.

Chintamani Bird:

It doesn't need any more formation doesn't need any growth, like the prefrontal cortex, which isn't until our mid to late 20s that is completely fully formed. So yeah, connection and how we actually live in our environment. We are born with that and that's, you know, and the other ways of survival, the other ways of how we actually deal with the world, or how we relate to the world and how we connect to the world. Again, there is a preordained, pre-biologically made up, like we are predestined to actually find connection, and that could be to the environment or other living things.

Fiona Kane:

Yeah, and that's what we sort of look for so much. I think even Johan Hari's book, his book Lost Connections, and I think that he was saying in his book that he believes that, uh, a lot of things like addiction and those sorts of issues, um they're, they're, they're from a loss of connection, that's what they're sort of. The opposite to addiction is have is being connected. So it's like when people haven't got connection, um that can really affect their mental health and those things.

Chintamani Bird:

I think one of the things about addiction and just from my personal experience is that we really sometimes the pain is a lot and we need to numb, we need to disassociate, we need to because it's a a lot.

Chintamani Bird:

It is a lot, yeah, and sometimes the that ache that we feel inside is so excruciating that we can't um, we need an escape, we need to disassociate, we need to like. The brain is an amazing tool and it will do and it will look for any way to survive, any way. And we're not talking about thriving, we're not talking about healing, we're just like living and breathing. You know, and one of the things um, again, you know, I have many stories, but one of the one of the things that I, I really have experienced is when there is no hope and it's just all you see is pain. It becomes consuming, it becomes very consuming in how you relate to the world, and the brain will go. Well, how can I get out of this? How can I find a way out of this terrible situation? And addiction is one of them, because we need to numb, numb and we need to. Just, it's a case of actually being able to function while not functioning. You know, that's that disassociation.

Chintamani Bird:

And it's incredible because I really feel that I remember there was a time where I didn't know where to go, I didn't know what to do and to limit our time, like make sure that within those timeframes today. But I remember, you know, when I I was younger, the only joy I had and there was a lot of other issues going on was I loved horses.

Chintamani Bird:

I loved how it was a connection to the horse, it was connection to the world. It was connection to me because everything else was not. It was horrible. And so I had a horse. His name was Spike and I loved him. It was just my outlet. It was my escape as well.

Chintamani Bird:

It wasn't just about connection, it was an escape as well, and I think, through addiction also is a way of just trying to survive. Really, we are like we are all just trying to survive this world, which is a really sad place to be. So, bringing that back into 2010, I was in a dark place, a very dark place, and my husband was, like, what can we do, what you know? And I just thought and it sounds a little bit, I guess, like you could do that, like I wanted to actually be connected to horses, you know. And so we were in the right situation where we, like I saved up the money and I made sure that I could do everything and I did all the the you know, because I, the day that I said to my husband I don't know what else to do. I was in so much pain, um, emotional pain and mental pain, and I said I don't know what else to do and, um, we say, I saved up. I was really sort of conscious of what to do and at the time I also was suffering from agoraphobia. So this was a case of I couldn't go outside without my family and I couldn't make decisions for myself. So I was really dysfunctional, I couldn't do anything and I thought, okay, let this be the answer. And it was hard. It was really hard because I loved this horse, you know, and it was the only outlet I had. But I think I bought the horse in. I think it was, I just have to think about this. I think it was in 2010. Yep, it was somebody about 2010, late 2010. And I loved that horse and I was hoping that it would actually help me find friends and help me hope to actually really support me, to actually really support me.

Chintamani Bird:

Because what happened was, with the agoraphobia, it was really hard for me to. I was so frightened to get out of the front door, I was so frightened to actually to make a decision and in fear of it was going to be the wrong decision or like I was just completely incapacitated, you know. So then one day I went right. I mustered all my strengths, all my strengths. I rang this person I knew who had another horse, and I said, come on, let's do this. And I was talking to myself. I was like, come on, come on, let's do this.

Chintamani Bird:

So out the back of the house there was a park and the horse lived in our yard. It was an acre, so it wasn't a suburban yard. Yes, right. And I mustered every fibre of my being to actually get up, get up off that lounge and not be frozen in fear, not be so petrified of life, and I thought, okay, right, saddled up the horse, went out the back fence and the lady came, my friend came, she saddled up her horse and I then decided and then I got on. That was not a good idea. I started trotting and within moments my horse bolted and started to buck.

Chintamani Bird:

Wow, and I was in my 40s and I was not an experienced rider because my experience was when I was in my 40s and I was not an experienced rider because my experience was when I was 12. Off, I went Bang Right on my coccyx and I couldn't move my legs. I couldn't move my legs. Wow, I'm writhing in pain. So funny Note to self when someone's writhing in pain, don't stand there or sit there and go. It's okay, chintamani. Think of blue ocean waves, because that's what the lady was doing. Think of blue. She was trying to meditate with me?

Fiona Kane:

yeah, no, there's times for meditation, but there's also times for calling the ambulance and not the same time necessarily.

Chintamani Bird:

So, and I'm just like, and so my son, who's actually in the house, can hear me scream he comes out and with the phone and my husband at the time is a paramedic and he's on shift down at the local station and all he can hear is I can't move my legs and that's all that was happening. So, oh, then there was a whole lot of ambulances and helicopters and he got there in 11 minutes and that's a 25-minute drive.

Chintamani Bird:

He drove fast, he was in the ambulance and so um, yeah and I'm just like, and the, the, you know like, you think about the pain and oh my lord. So anyway, I get loaded into a helicopter and I get transported to Westman hospital and still can't move my legs. You know, in that helicopter this is so funny I needed to hold someone's hand. There was this voice inside of me I just want to hold someone's hand. Now I thought it was my husband's hand. My husband was looking out the window in the helicopter. It was not my husband's hand. My husband was looking out the window in the helicopter. It was not my husband's hand, it was the paramedic who was actually treating me. It was the nurse who was treating me and I was just stroking. You know how you stroke someone's hand. I was stroking her hand. I just needed that human connection, that human touch. Yes, anyway, so we arrive.

Chintamani Bird:

I got into the ICU. They tried to make me stand, which was like what? But okay, couldn't do that. And then, eventually, I went up to the ward. It was the night and I was on morphine. I still felt the pain. It was horrible, and I couldn't even go to the toilet. I couldn't go to the toilet myself. So that was horrible. And this is the difference. The next morning my husband said do you need anything, do you want something? And I went I want my journal, I want to write, okay. So it's like day two and you're asking for your journal.

Fiona Kane:

Yeah, wow.

Chintamani Bird:

And I'm going and they brought cards, because I like board games and card games and stuff. And so the kids are on my bed and they're playing. And I mean, they're teenagers, they're young adolescents, very young adolescents. And I'm thinking, okay, this was a good kick up the ass that I got, this was a wonderful wake-up call. This was an amazing wake-up call. I'm breathing, I'm not dead, I'm breathing. The kids are playing Wow, I'm breathing. The kids are playing. Wow, I'm breathing. I'm not dead, I'm not like, I'm not paralyzed, I just can't move my legs, but I'm breathing.

Chintamani Bird:

And that moment was like a wonderful, you know, wake-up call, because I'm alive. It took me three months to learn to walk again. I still get pain, was it's how? Like you know, I needed a reality check that life wasn't well life. I had a choice. I had a choice to go. So poor me and don't get me wrong, there's been lots of times of that but I just was grateful I was alive, I could breathe on my own. So many times when people have accidents, it doesn't end well, it doesn't end well, and so that was a real pivotal moment that I needed to focus on something different, isn't it?

Fiona Kane:

amazing, though, that you there's a couple of things that you said that besides the fact that huge story but it's the moments where you had sort of intuition.

Fiona Kane:

So your intuition was that you knew you just needed human touch.

Fiona Kane:

When you were in the helicopter which, I mean, I I lived with someone with agoraphobia.

Fiona Kane:

It's a full-on issue, and so I can only imagine for you just going out and being out the front whatever was hard enough, let alone being in a helicopter with all this crazy stuff going on and all of the pain and everything else. But one was you needed human touch. But then the other was that one of your first instincts was bring my diary or your journal sorry of all the things that you could ask for. And so I feel like to me there feels like a whether or not you call it a divine thing, or whether or not you call it an intuitive thing or whatever language people have different language or different ways they like to think about this but it does definitely feel like a guidance, that you're being guided to something that's beneficial for you, and and then having that allowed you to reflect and have that gratitude which is kind of what's allowed you to. You know what we were saying at the beginning that this is going to be about focusing on the healing, not the hurting. Well, that's what it is, isn't it?

Chintamani Bird:

It is, I think, one of the things that I read a book once and it says pain is inevitable, happiness is optional. Pain is inevitable, Happiness is optional. So, basically, you know, if I you know bang out, all right, but it's how?

Chintamani Bird:

I relate to it. You know that's really important and it's not an easy. We need to actually understand that healing needs courage. We need to understand that it takes a lot of courage and a lot of strength to actually realise that, not to actually just sort of okay, collapse into the pain. Yes, accept that it sucks. And it just reminds me of another story that happened after we sort of this happened, and it was about 2016. So the horse running accident happened in 2011. So not if you think about history, not that long ago, but it was, I think. How old was my son? I think my son was. I think it was about 2015, 2016.

Chintamani Bird:

Um, my husband, my son, actually worked at McDonald's and one of the things, um, that he always did, he always brought me an orange juice after his shift. I would pick him up and, um, he would bring out their issues and it didn't matter how late at night. He was one of the managers there and he really, really enjoyed this job. And one of the things I always instilled into my son is, you know, a bit of a philosophy only good can come of this. You know, only good can, no matter what happens, we can translate this into something good. You know, things may suck right now, but it is a way that we are able to translate and transform ourselves.

Chintamani Bird:

So, one night, middle of winter, in Richmond, in New South Wales, here in Australia, and then bitterly cold. It's August, it's bitterly cold and I come to McDonald's car park, I wait for my son to finish his shift. And then there was this as I parked, there was a car just ahead of me and I was like, oh, and I kept on being my attention kept on being drawn to this car, just like you know, like who is that? I could see someone sitting in the car. I could see, you know. It was just a bit odd, you know, and I'm just like, okay, anyway, just waiting, waiting for my own shoes, waiting for my son. Anyway, he eventually comes out, he's got his two cup holders and his two drinks, two large McDonald's orange juices, yummo, anyway.

Chintamani Bird:

And I then sort of started to pull away and I started passing this car and because I kept on looking over this car, like, and seeing this person while I waited, I started pulling forward. I was looked and there was a man, a young man. He was about 18, 19 years old and he was sobbing. He's sobbing and I old and he was sobbing, he's sobbing and I went and I stopped the car, I got out of my car, I walked around the back of my car and up to his Tap, tap, tap, tap. Are you all right? He's on the phone at the time and I didn't know at the time, right as I tapped, he was on the phone to Lifeline because the last three hours he had been negotiating whether he go home or put himself on the railway tracks because the car park is right next to the railway tracks, to the train station.

Fiona Kane:

Oh, it gives you chills.

Chintamani Bird:

And he goes and I said are you all right? No, nothing's all right. And he just burst into tears, he burst into this incredible emotional flurry of pain and I said to him it's going to be all right. It's going to be all right. And he said no, it's not. No, how dare you talk to me like that? It's never going to be like that.

Fiona Kane:

sorry about the dogs, um and dogs are getting involved in the story too.

Chintamani Bird:

Yeah, they are you feel the energy picking up on the energy energy yeah. So I said come out, because I knew I could say it. I knew I could say it. I said get out the car for me, get out of the car and it you've got to remember. And so he gets out of the car. He's wearing a tank top it's three degrees outside and ripped board shorts. He's got nothing on him. Three degrees.

Fiona Kane:

Celsius for those who are listening elsewhere. It was very, very cold.

Chintamani Bird:

Yes, yeah, it's freezing, it's so cold. And then I said I want you to look up this website because at the time I had a website. All right, I want you to read this Now. Mind you, lifeline is still on the phone. He hasn't hung up. So through this whole story, please remember, lifeline is already and stays on the phone listening to this story.

Fiona Kane:

Yes.

Chintamani Bird:

So one of the things. So I said to him read this. And he started reading this website. I gave him and he looked up at me. He stared into my eyes. He said my life's not that hard. I said this is my story. My life's not that hard. I said this is my story, my life's not that bad, is that?

Chintamani Bird:

what you just said. My life's not that bad, my life's not that hard, my life's not that hard. And I stared back at him. I said this is my story. He said I thought so. He said I thought so and I said it's really important to understand right now that someone cares about you.

Fiona Kane:

I care about you.

Chintamani Bird:

Yes, we need to focus on the healing, not on the hurting. Wow, my son is still in the car listening to this. So I never keep a clean car. But in the back of my car I had a goose down and a rack jacket. So I went and dived into my car and I actually put it around his shoulders and I said Jamie, we need to understand that someone cares about you, someone loves you, and this is me in front of you and he's like I said, I need you to understand that sometimes, when we focus on the pain, we only see pain, we only see what is hurting us. We can't see what can heal and help us. Yes, and so I wrapped the anorak jacket around him. It was a big, fluffy thing with a great big hood with fur around the the hood. Yeah, and for the next three hours I'm talking to jamie, I'm saying, once you feel this, now you need to pay it forward. You need to pay forward with this jacket and help someone else heal as well. Yes, and so we talked for the next three hours. My son is in the back, still in the car, you know, in the middle of winter, in the dark, in Richmond, new South Wales. So I went home.

Chintamani Bird:

Jamie went home three weeks later I think it was three weeks, no, it was six weeks later. I'm back in the mcdonald's car park picking up my son, and it's late and I see three young teenagers, like they're, you know, adolescents and they're going to get in the car in front of me. You know because we're in the car park. Oh, my Lord, there's Jamie. He has friends. Oh what? Okay, yes, and he comes up to my car and he says I just went and saw your son to say thank you, he had friends. He said I feel so much better. And on my bad days I come to mcdonald's car park. I remember what happened. Yeah, I still remember and I'm still trying to find that person to give that anorak to, because he wants to pay it forward. Yes, and I was like this is amazing, fantastic, yeah, it's beautiful.

Chintamani Bird:

So then, three months later, you know, I think sometimes we need a reality, that someone cares. It's not words, it's a physical presence of energy and love, and for jamie it was that anorak. So three months later, it's a sad day. I need to take my son uh, take lunch to my son in the mcdonald's car park. And so it was incredible because I went in tupperware, container in in hand, and then this young man an older woman so came to me.

Chintamani Bird:

It was Jamie. He looked completely different. Oh my God. He looked different and he said I'm looking to become, do some education. He was going to be either a travel agent or he wanted to travel. He wanted to do a few things and I went this is fantastic, this is so amazing. This is great. Then I turned to the older woman. I said hi, my name's Chinchamani. She said I know who you are. You gave me my son back and that sort of like. She said we can't believe that it's happened. It's amazing that it happened, but we keep on looking at that jacket and saying it wasn't a dream. Yes. So I think sometimes getting that sort of reality check of what life could be and knowing that we can connect and we can heal, that's the most important thing.

Fiona Kane:

Yeah, for sure, for sure. So I'm just sort of sitting here trying not to cry but trying and failing, because it's such a beautiful story and it's just a beautiful story and it's just there's so many layers to that, isn't there, I mean, you know one is that, again, it's you were listening to your intuition or you were being guided. You know what's going on in that car. Why were you so attracted to that car? Why were you looking at that car? You know Most people are whatever, but you know you were listening to that intuition. You know most people are whatever, but you know you were listening to that intuition and you looked. And the other thing is you looked, and a lot of us, when we see stuff that looks like it's hard or that we don't want to deal with or whatever, we just keep walking and we just keep driving or whatever. So not only did you get attracted to the car and you look, but then you saw this person in pain and you stopped what you were doing and went to them. You know, and that's so.

Fiona Kane:

And I think on one hand, I'm saying there should be more of that, but on the other hand, I think there is a lot of stories like these, you hear these stories, and that reminds that, that reminds you of of humans and a human connection and and I think it's good to it's that kind of whole thing that you know, like on the news. You know, if you watch the news and I haven't watched it for a long time, but when you do watch the news it's kind of like you know what is it if it bleeds, it leads kind of thing, and they, they really want to do. Most of the news is all of the awful stuff and all the horrible things that people are doing to each other and all the wars and all the rest of it. And then they might do like a happy puppy story at the end or a kindness sort of volunteering story or something. And the problem is is it gives you this like. I think it gives you this feeling like everything's bad in the world and there's not that much good, and but when you look at any of the bad things that happen in the world, there's good things that happen along with them or happen afterwards or whatever it is. It was that sort of story of I think I can't remember who said this, but they.

Fiona Kane:

Someone said that, you know, when he was getting overwhelmed with seeing other stories in the world. At some point his mother said to him um, don't focus on that, focus on the helpers, focus on the people who are fixing it or going and helping whatever. So if you see a disaster, it's like, oh my god, there's this terrible disaster, but look at all those volunteers that are there helping. You know, and it's always go back to just remembering that there, you know that there are many human beings out there who are doing these things and these things are happening and it would be great if it could happen even more absolutely.

Fiona Kane:

But, as she is good for us to acknowledge, because we, because of the way that uh, media is and social media and all the rest of it, clickbait, everything else uh, a lot of things for a long time have been aimed at sort of the nasty stuff and we don't focus on these kind of stories enough. And it's these stories that are really, really important to help to keep people just believing in humankind, believing in kindness, believing in love and compassion and all those things. So I think that stories like this, it's really important to highlight these stories and it is one of the reasons why there is a genre online on YouTube and stuff of people doing more inspirational sort of stories and people. You see the amount of views they get. They get many, many views and I understand why. I think it's part of us looking for connection.

Chintamani Bird:

Looking for connection but also looking for proof that there's beauty in the world and uh and so, yeah, stories like this are really important to highlight on for so many reasons yeah, I think the the um one of the things is, you know, with all of that agitation, with news, and that it really links into our sense of and the autonomic nervous system of survival. We need to survive, we need to, you know, and that agitation is part of that autonomic nervous system and that fight. You know, like we have to protect, we have to guard, we have to. You know, like we have to protect, we have to guard, we have to.

Chintamani Bird:

And I think what I was saying earlier is that there's a difference between just getting by and yes, there's a lot of yuckiness in the world too, like that is a very, very bland way of saying it, but there is a horrible, heinous, malicious ick. Yes, but yes, and I've experienced a lot of that personally in my life, so I'm not coming from a place of my head in the clouds you know, I've experienced a lot of pain and a lot of trauma.

Chintamani Bird:

But one of the things for me is that the only time that we really sort of life gets better is, like you were saying, what we focus on horrible things or do we want to actually get into that ventral, vagal nervous system? Connect with other people, find like-minded people that actually have the same values of wanting to find?

Chintamani Bird:

peace wanting to find a way to thrive that is magical and grounded. Magical and grounded, you know, because one of the things that we see in life is, if we just see the dark, we are unable to see the light. But there cannot be any light without the dark because it's that contrast.

Fiona Kane:

Yeah, the truth is that it's all there, they come together and life both exists. As for us, it's what you were saying before. It's what we choose to see as well, because sometimes we choose to only focus on one, and they're both there. But if you focus on seeing the light, that will help you, but if you only focus on seeing the dark, then that's all you will see. That will help you.

Chintamani Bird:

But if you only focus on seeing the dark, then that's all you will see, and I think the oxymoron of this also is that if you only focus on the light, this is going to sound counterintuitive. You are unable to heal from the dark. Yeah, you know.

Fiona Kane:

So for me it's that kind of shadow stuff of not acknowledging the, the, not acknowledging the sort of what's a, what's the best term for it. Well, our shadow side, all the all, the um, all the challenging parts of us, all the all the trauma or history or things like that. So, yeah, both exist.

Chintamani Bird:

Both exist and having that strength. So for me, my journey has been one that has given me such courage, such strength, and there has been so many times I wanted to give up, just thought I wish I didn't have a reason to feel strong, I wish I didn't have a reason to be courageous. But it is that reason, that situation, that has put the pressure on me to either sink, swim or blossom. And don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect. I've made lots of mistakes in my life, I've done the wrong thing. But I think, in your heart, when you know your heart and when you focus on, look, when you're doing, when you experience trauma like myself, um, and a life full of trauma, uh, you, you can get pretty consumed with it. You know and you go oh, that's a pretty sought to heal. But think about it If I didn't face how I felt, how I related to that situation, how am.

Chintamani Bird:

I going to deal with? How am I going to actually be able to transform it? You know I'm going to quote Dr Phil. It's terrible.

Fiona Kane:

I love Dr Phil. It's terrible I love Dr Phil.

Chintamani Bird:

I really love him. You can't change what you don't acknowledge and acknowledging is really important. Acknowledging and that's the first step of healing, you know, acknowledging it sucked, or acknowledging how it has transformed you or the sheer rage of how it actually feels, how you felt about it. It's a step. Always get professional help. Whoever is listening to this Always get professional help. I'm 100% on professional help, but getting the right professional help, because I've had professional help before and it was like trying to combat a dragon with a feather. So always find the right field that suits you personally.

Fiona Kane:

But I think one of the things and there's not really a perfect way of figuring that out, is there? It's more. I think that we just have to try different things and just know that if that's not the right thing or if that's not the right professional, there'll be somebody else or something else. And so it's just to keep trying, is that?

Chintamani Bird:

100%, and I think one of the things also is that you know, I tried, I did um, I rebirthing breath work, I did um. I went and found a guru and that's where I get my name from. I went, did meditation, I did crystal healing, I did spiritual healing, I did um, I did trauma, trauma-informed yoga. I've done um. So it wasn't a case of um sort of giving up. It was like where is the answer? Yes, the answer is actually within me. I just needed the person to actually reflect that, and so I eventually settled with a clinical psychologist who specialises in trauma.

Chintamani Bird:

But one of the things that also I've discovered is when you're looking at psychology and you're looking at your environment and you're looking at who and what supports you, it's really important to actually not only have people that actually um. I think support is a very generic word um, but I've got a friend who knows me. I've you know, she knows who I am, she knows my quirky parts and but I didn't meet until I was 50 because all the other friends were based on unhealthy relationships. But getting someone to actually who is safe to know, who is safe to actually expose yourself to and who is safe to actually share, and sometimes my experience is that it's very misguided sometimes because we're just trying to find that connection when, where can I go where I need this?

Fiona Kane:

so yeah, take your time and sometimes friendships have seasons as well, and so sometimes we feel like if we lost friends from earlier in life or or other friends, that we won't make friends again. But you can and you will, uh it's. It's just, uh, the seasons in life and just sometimes some people are in your life for a season or for a certain part of your life and, uh, there can be other people maybe later on. So it's it's, uh, I think we sometimes get to, yeah, we think if we lose friends or we have to, um, yeah, and I think sometimes we're afraid to move on from relationship you know toxic friendships and things, thinking that we won't find another friend, but actually that will create a space for that new friend to come into our life.

Chintamani Bird:

I think so, and sometimes I think we need to. Actually, I think one of the biggest things for us is to realise that self-awareness and listening to what's here, instead of just having monkey mind like just oh wait, but actually taking a pause, taking a pause and just going okay, yes, it may suck, or it might be joyful, or it might be painful, it might be, whatever it may be, but stop, take a moment, listen to your heart, listen to yourself, listen to what your body is saying. There's a great book that says your Body Keeps School. Highly recommend it, you know. It talks about how our cells are living, parts of energy, parts of us, and it talks about how it keeps our history in us until we try to change or heal that part of us. So it's really important to think about these things and how we can actually translate and connection. It could be.

Chintamani Bird:

I like crocheting. I like I've jumped out of airplanes. I've yes, I had to learn to walk again. I, you know, I've scuba dive with sharks. I've scuba dived on shipwrecks. You know, like there are so many different things that life can offer you. But let's connect to what and who you are. Let's connect to our world. Let's, instead of focusing on the hurting, let's actually get out, join somewhere that we can actually help others heal, or a park that heals, or people that heals, or let's you know. Join a gardening group, whatever it is.

Fiona Kane:

Yeah, just as connection. So for some people it might be their church group, other people it might be their gardening group or their fan group or their craft group or their volunteering at the local, wherever you know. It doesn't really matter what it is. What matters is it's connection for you and it's a place where you feel valued and where you feel that you matter and that you can make a difference, but also you feel connected.

Chintamani Bird:

That's right, and I think I once said to someone and I can relate this to my own life no one is going to knock on your door and say be my friend, you have to walk out of that door. And I know from my experience. The day of that bloody horse riding accident I tried and I went bang. Life gave me a bit of a jolt and a kick and I could have shrunk A bit bit of a jolt and a kick and I could have shrunk A bit, just a bit.

Fiona Kane:

Just a bit, a bit of a jolt.

Chintamani Bird:

This is a lady for a hundred.

Fiona Kane:

I'm playing things slightly.

Chintamani Bird:

But I think you know COVID was a great example of that.

Chintamani Bird:

You know, no one's going to knock on my door yeah so one of the things I love is board games, so I went on facebook and I found a local board game group and through that, you know, I've been going for three years, um and like it's a beautiful outlet because I'm creating friendships.

Chintamani Bird:

I'm putting that you need to dedicate that energy to it because it's not going to be like I. You know, I didn't, I didn't sort of come up with the thought of healing within a moment. It's evolved, it's transformed, it's it's like baking and evolving and folding that air, those eggs, into a cake, into baking, like and I'm not, um, I'm still learning, I'm still evolving, I'm still growing, I'm still knowing who I am and working that out, and that's something I'm cherishing. So I think we need to understand healing is about having courage to walk out that door, having courage to fall down and not be able to walk again, and having to learn to walk again and having to fight those demons and fight those dark moments. Where you go, I just want to give up. Yes, I want the pain to finish. You know it doesn't have to be finite.

Fiona Kane:

The opportunities are infinite, but you just gotta choose yeah, yeah, that's really powerful and, um, really, I suppose to, I suppose we need to wind up, but I I something that I think underlies what a lot of what you just said is storytelling, the stories that we tell ourselves. Right, and you could have said, all right, I've got this person with agoraphobia and, like you said, you put everything that you had to going out that door and getting on the horse and, you know, arranging to be with that friend. So you were doing all of like right things inverted commas to heal. You're like, okay, I'm going to go outside and I'm going to connect with my friend and I'm going to connect with a horse, and life threw at you this huge, huge curveball and kind of destroyed a lot of that very quickly, at least for that time. And you could have very easily said to yourself look, I tried, I talked like I tried, I did it, and look what life did to me and it's like it's out to get me and and and pull me and I'm, I'm just gonna go back inside and hide and never come out again, type of thing.

Fiona Kane:

And you know, no one would have necessarily said you would have been justified in feeling that way. Um, however, uh, and you might have felt that way for for for a while, because you know you're human and that's okay, but but you know, ultimately, though, that story wasn't going to help you, was it long, long term? A story like that isn't helpful. So, really, what you did is you kind of it's the journaling. Everything you're talking about is really just reframing that story, isn't it?

Chintamani Bird:

100%. I think, when we look at when we actually get out of our own way sometimes and see, as I said, only good can come with this, only seeing how the transformation can happen, and it's not simultaneous, it's not instantaneous, it doesn't happen straight away, but when we can actually say I went one millimetre, I won today because I went one millimetre. And if one millimetre is too much for you, and if one millimeter is too much for you, if you can't do one millimeter today, do a quarter of a millimeter.

Fiona Kane:

Yes, yeah, just do something. Do something and consider the story that you're telling yourself, because it's our stories that can really limit us or it's our stories that can help set us free and help us have that healing. And your journal and that gratitude practice in your journal obviously helped you with that 100%.

Chintamani Bird:

I still have that journal. It's just an exercise book, great School exercise book.

Fiona Kane:

Still have it. Look. Thank you so much for sharing those stories today. They were really powerful stories. I know you've got many more, but we just had to narrow it down to those. But they were huge and I feel like hearing some of those stories will be really beneficial to my audience. So just thank you so much for sharing today.

Chintamani Bird:

You're welcome and thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it.

Fiona Kane:

Fiona, thank you, and I will put any contacts in in the show notes for people if they want to get in contact with you. But is there a particular way that people can find you if they want to get in contact with you?

Chintamani Bird:

yeah, so I have um I on linkedin and I'm also have a website called studio chintamani. Um, and yeah, so, and I I also have social media on Instagram and Facebook, so you can always contact me through the website or through Studio Chintamani or Chintamani Bird on LinkedIn. You can always grab hold of me.

Fiona Kane:

Okay, and we'll pop whatever relevant links into the show notes as well. So thank you so much, Chintamani. It's been really interesting talking to you and I really appreciate you sharing your story you're welcome.

Chintamani Bird:

Thank you so much appreciate it.

Fiona Kane:

Thank you and thank you. Everyone at home who's listening and watching you know. Please remember to like, subscribe and share so more people find out about this podcast. I really appreciate you uh, you being part of the community and listening. The Wellness Connection is a podcast where we have real conversations about things that matter, so I'll see you all again next week. Thank you, bye.

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Fiona Kane

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