The Wellness Connection with Fiona Kane

Episode 97 Creating Healthy Boundaries for Professional Success

• Fiona Kane • Season 1 • Episode 97

Share episode

Send us a text

This episode delves into the sometimes self-imposed pressures many individuals face in the workplace, exploring how to navigate expectations and set healthy boundaries. With insights on communication, workload management, and redefining success, listeners are empowered to reclaim their mental well-being and resist external pressures. 

Learn more about booking a nutrition consultation with Fiona: https://informedhealth.com.au/

Learn more about Fiona's speaking and media services: https://fionakane.com.au/

Sign up to receive our newsletter by clicking here.

Instagram

Facebook

LinkedIn

Credit for the music used in this podcast:

The Beat of Nature

Music by Olexy from Pixabay



Fiona Kane:

Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast. I'm your host, Fiona Kane. Today I wanted to talk to you a little bit about some things in the workplace, and not just in general in the workplace, but how we put pressure on ourselves when we don't always need to. It's important for us to sort of have an awareness around how much pressure in our lives comes from us. It could be workplace, it could be family, it could be lots of things. So it's not really just workplace how much pressure is coming from us and how much pressure is coming from outside, because sometimes we tell ourselves stories about what we have to do or we're supposed to do or we should do, or we take on other people's sense of urgency, without questioning whether or not that sense of urgency really is a thing. So, in general, I suppose what I'm talking about today is kind of what we put on ourselves, whether or not we stop and think about what we're putting on ourselves, the sort of rules about what we need to get done and when we need to get it done, by and having really clear boundaries so that when anyone tries to load anything into your bucket sort of thing, into your cart of things to do, into your in-tray or, however, whatever language you want to use, whether, again, whether it be workplace or wherever it is, you are allowed to question it. You are allowed to consider whether or not it really is yours to do. If it is yours to do is a timetable you've been given, reasonable, all of that kind of stuff. So they're the general things I'm talking about today, and it's been inspired by several of my clients, because a really common discussion I have with my clients is about challenges they have in their workplace, and it never ceases to amaze me the amount of workplaces that either have people doing things that they're absolutely not qualified for and expecting them to do it anyway, even though they don't know what they're doing, or they just have all these kind of unreasonable. They're kind of okay, we're going to do this project and we'll have to get it all done in the next week or whatever it is, and then they will say that to their staff but also say, oh, and, by the way, you're still going to get the rest of your work done. Oh, and it doesn't matter that you're not qualified to do the project, and blah, blah, blah. This is actually quite.

Fiona Kane:

There's many variations, but it's a really common story I hear. So you know, I think it's actually important. It is okay for you to okay, so one. Obviously, in a workplace, a lot depends on what you've been employed for, how much you're being paid, what your work contract is, what's included and pull there is, and how much leeway there is, and how much you're expected just to do as you're told and shut up, or how much you can argue back kind of thing.

Fiona Kane:

However, in many workplaces I find that a lot of the problem comes from a lack of communication, and it might be poorly worded by your boss, or it might be the fact that people higher up than you have made a mess of something, have stuffed something up, haven't got something done, and then suddenly it becomes your sort of urgent thing to do. So I just want to encourage you to start to just question it whenever anyone's putting something onto you, rather than just because some people especially look okay, this happens to people who get a lot done, so people who are generally conscientious and hard workers and get stuff done and they're very busy. It's like that whole story. You know, if you want something done, give it to a busy person, because the busy person will include it as part of what they do in their day, whereas a person you know, if you're you know like, imagine, just think about if you're when you're on holidays you know if you're on holidays and you know you're kind of laying in a lounge watching Netflix or something and you need to get one thing done in that day and you struggle to get it done and you often don't get it done right, whereas if you're in sort of normal work mode, you've got 20 things to do in a day. That's just another thing to add into the day. So we just tend to get more done because we're already in motion, whereas when we're not in motion we don't get stuff done right.

Fiona Kane:

So generally, the person who is the most conscientious at sort of getting stuff done and the go-getter type person is the person who's often what people pile things on for you. So it could be family things, it could be a work thing or some some some other thing, whether it be the committee, a committee that you're on where everyone gets you to do everything, or whatever it is. So my encouragement to you is just, on a regular basis, kind of just assess, okay, where am I spending my energy and what and what am I doing for these different, whether it's work whatever, wherever it is and is this what I want to be doing? Is this what I should be doing, based on, say, like my contract or whatever and like I'm not saying there's anything wrong with doing things outside of your scope as well like I think it's useful in a workplace to kind of I've always been of the mind that you know, uh, you don't have to be completely rigid and you can stretch yourself and learn different things and all that. So don't think I'm kind of against people kind of just trying different things or doing different things. All I'm saying is that sometimes it's not appropriate for you to be doing that thing, or it's not appropriate for you to be doing that thing and your job as well. Like you can't do both, and so it is okay to ask questions and to clarify things and to push back. So you know you can say, well, all right. Well, if you want me to do that project, that's fine. When's it needed by? Okay, why is it needed by that day? Okay, so, but all right, okay, so I will do that. But then it means that the other project that you have won't get done, or this other work won't get done or whatever it is.

Fiona Kane:

But it is okay for you to actually just be realistic and say, like, be honest about what you can and can't do. And in workplaces it seems like people feel like they're not allowed to do that and it's terrible if you're in a situation where you feel like you can't do that, but it's really, really important that you. And what happens is because everyone just sort of shuts up and does as they're told and gets on with it, except for sometimes there's that one person who doesn't, and they just get away with it. But everybody else does, and because everybody does, nobody feels like they can say anything. So sometimes, actually, when you actually do stand up for yourself, you give other people permission to do that as well. So sometimes it's important to have that one person who says, no, this isn't, this is not okay. And with things like deadlines and stuff like I again, it is okay.

Fiona Kane:

Sometimes, when people ask you to do something, it's okay for you to give them feedback that it doesn't make sense or whatever. And sometimes that making sense or not making sense is above your pay grade and doesn't make sense or whatever. And sometimes that making sense or not making sense is above your pay grade and it does make sense. But for some reason you don't know, because we don't always have all of the information. So I'm not saying that your boss is never right. Sometimes they're absolutely right that it needs to be done by a certain date or whatever. But it's just, it's okay to kind of push back, it's okay to ask questions, it's okay to clarify well, okay, if I've got to do this task, then what is what about all of my other work? As you know, something's got to give, and so you have to clarify to your boss well, oh right, so if I'm going to be doing, you know x and y for you, zed's not going to happen, or someone else is going to have to do Zed, or I can do Zed, but it's going to be two months late, or whatever it is.

Fiona Kane:

But you actually have to be able to just honestly say this is the reality, because what happens is because we sit there and shut up and don't say anything and we're afraid of losing our job and all that sort of stuff. Our bosses get away with it, and then they just keep pushing more and more on you because they know they can get away with it, and they keep doing that to everybody else Now, pushing back and like I'm not telling you to argue or not do your work or not do a good job or anything like that, absolutely not. Like I think it's good to be proud of your work and to you know, there's nothing wrong with being proud of your work and working hard and doing well and all that. So this isn't about sort of not wanting to do well in the workplace, it's actually just about health. It's about your physical and emotional health in a workplace and being realistic. And I just feel like a lot of businesses and government departments and whoever else, a lot of businesses just don't seem to be realistic about what a small team of people can do in a certain amount of time or what a particular person can do in a certain amount of time. So it is okay to say, okay, realistically, this isn't going to happen. This is why, or, if that needs to happen, what's going to give? And essentially get your boss to help you figure out the thing that's going to give, because something is. And if you don't have these conversations and if you don't alter these things, what happens is what gives usually is your physical and mental health. That's what gives. So if we keep going and going and going and just taking all this pressure and all this stress, there's a big problem. The other thing, too, is okay. So even if let's just say, right, we've taken on the project, the job, whatever it is, we've agreed to do it, we're going to do it, fine, and that's, we're going ahead and getting it done, because more often than not, that's probably the thing that needs to happen, right, Fine, okay. But the next thing is to be aware of the pressure you put on yourself for the outcome, or the pressure you put on yourself about how important the outcome is. Because, again, what happens is we're in our mind, we're like, oh my God, we've got to get this thing done and it's going to be perfect, it's going to be right.

Fiona Kane:

And the truth is, in most situations, in most workplaces, when someone asks you to do a project, create something new or create something, what you're creating is a sloppy first draft. You know what you're creating is just the beginning, it's just an outline of something, right, or it's the first attempt, or the, the first practice, or the first, uh, first, you know, like it's it's kind of how you feeling your way around in a job about how something could be done differently or a new thing that you could do it's actually kind of doing it for the first time is just kind of figuring that out, nutting it out, right. So because what you're often doing in these situations, when you're doing something new or some special project or whatever for your team, for your boss or whatever it often is, that's the nature of what you're doing and for most of us, what we're doing is not brain surgery, it's not emergency surgery. We're not in, you know, we're not doing triage in a, in a, in an emergency hospital, you know, at a hospital, right? So what we're doing isn't not saying it's not important, but there's important and there's important, right? So we have to be realistic about not putting a huge amount of pressure on ourselves.

Fiona Kane:

So if your boss has said I want you to do this project that you weren't ready for and that there's no time and no resources allotted and blah, blah, blah, and I want you to get it done in a week, then in your mind, it's important that you in your mind, have a very realistic idea of what the outcome is going to be. What is that going to look like, and also that you communicate that to your boss. Okay, well, I could probably do a draft of the thing, or I could do a first run and test how whatever the thing is, that works. So it depends on what kind of job you have, right? But yeah, I could do a test run or I could do a first draft, or I could start sort of sounding out how that would.

Fiona Kane:

Whatever it is, but you've got to be realistic about what the outcome's going to be as well, because what happens is you have someone come along and say this is really important, we have to get done by this date, although you know, I don't know what's going to happen, the head's going to explode. And then the next person comes along and everyone kind of joins in on the energy of oh my God, the world's going to end if we don't get this thing done by this date. And then people what generally happens is then people start doing overtime, they stop looking after themselves, they stop eating well, they're often like just holding their breath because they're so stressed and so they're just not even really breathing properly, right, and then people start getting snappy with each other. Or you're not sleeping well because you're stressing about it when you're at home, and then you're getting snappy with your family, right, and so we have this whole thing, the snowball, and often it's like it's not that important. It might be important to your team and your workplace, but it's not that important. There's important and deadlines and whatever. And then there's like, oh my God, something will really super bad happen if that doesn't happen and it's just good for us to kind of review it back. So I suppose what I'm trying to say when someone tries to put onto you their stressy energy, their stressy oh my God, it's the end of the world type of energy over something that isn't, that, that's not valid for which is most things don't take on that energy, just kind of go okay, what is the project? Let me talk about it, let's figure it out. How's that going to work? How's it going to look?

Fiona Kane:

Here's reframe of the how realistic it is and and I will say to you as well that I would appreciate that like so, I've been an employer throughout my life at different times and I've been an employee at different times, but as an employer, I actually I. It's more frustrating if someone says to you okay, I'll do it, and that's just like there's no way they can do it, it's just not going to happen but then it doesn't happen and it all falls apart and you've got expectations or you've got like another client or someone waiting for this project. That's more frustrating than when someone says to you that's not possible, but we can do this or that's not possible. We can do this or that's not possible but we can start here. Or you know so, if actually someone says to you, unless you get someone else to help me, unless you add other team members, and that's blah, blah, whatever. So what I'm trying to say is if it's actually really useful for employers, if you actually give them accurate feedback.

Fiona Kane:

Now I'm not saying there isn't some, you know, sort of psychopathic and narcissistic and all sorts of other kind of people in the workplace who don't accept reality and who try to put pressure on people and are very unrealistic about setting goals and all that. I get that all of that exists. But just having awareness around, I suppose it's your energy in the workplace what you believe from what people say around you. Suppose it's your energy in the workplace, what you believe from what people say around you. If people try and infect you with their stress, you don't need to be infected with someone's stress. You can do your job without being infected by the stress. Being infected by the stress doesn't help you, and so it's.

Fiona Kane:

A helpful thing is to assess what the job is, figure out how and if and whatever, give the feedback, talk about the reality and the reframe of what you really are doing and how much it matters, and then you can, in your mind, reframe or scale up or down the gravity of it and how much it's worth stressing over, right? So I'm just encouraging you in situations because sometimes it might be someone in your family says, oh, we've got to get this thing done. So the other thing is family projects and stuff where all of a sudden, some of the families as well we're going to get this fixed or that fixed, or blah, blah, blah, or we're going to build this thing and whatever, and they're doing it at an unrealistic pace and blah, blah, blah. So similar things happen in family structures and other situations. Right, but you can choose to get infected with someone else's stress and jump into their timeline and cause yourself a whole lot of physical and emotional stress. Or you can actually choose to not get infected with somebody else's stress and kind of just go. You choose, you choose your buy-in, you choose your level of emotional buy-in to something and you choose your level of reality about how much you can help and what you can or can't, or will or won't do.

Fiona Kane:

So my encouragement to you is just always kind of like when someone tries to infect you with that kind of stress situation. Just assess it, assess the situation, assess the need for how you, how you can and can't do it. If you will or won't do it, whatever, have the conversations, have the reframes and make sure that in your mind you know the level of pressure to put on yourself around it, because the number of people that kind of just accept someone else puts it on you. So, oh, I've got to do this, I've got to do this, I've got to do this and everyone's before. You know everyone's freaking out and you know people aren't breathing. You know this kind of thing, right. So, uh, you know everyone's kind of just freaked out and everyone's shallow breathing, uh, no one's looking after themselves, no one's sleeping. Well, uh and um.

Fiona Kane:

And then suddenly you end up and if you're doing're doing this in a workplace that you are part of, or running or whatever, it's a really foolish thing to do, because what happens is you end up with everyone on stress leave or everyone leaving the job because they're just not coping, and then that causes a whole lot more stress for people, right? So my advice is to just be aware of when someone's trying to affect you with their stress and affect you with their stress, or inflict you with their stress, or inflict you with their timelines, with their unrealistic timelines, and always be prepared to question them, to talk about them, to reframe things. And when we do that we don't put too much pressure on myself, on ourselves. We're like okay, all right, realistically, what I can do for you is that I will do that, which is like the crappy first draft or the first run at figuring something out, knowing for sure that the wheels are going to fall off because you haven't had time right. So when you go into it, knowing that it's not going to be great but it's going to be a start and that's what you're tasked with doing in your mind, you can do that. But if you've tasked yourself with I've got to do this thing and it's going to be perfect, and it's going to be perfect, first go around and and it's all going to be done within five minutes. And if I don't, you know something terrible is going to happen. The terrible thing is usually unlikely, or put it this way, there's a ratings for what terrible is right. So anyway, that's just my encouragement to you Think about that in your life in general and in your workplaces, of how you because we very especially, very competent, conscientious people we can get infected and afflicted a lot by people's deadlines and their stress, and we often will take it all on kind of without question and then we end up in a mess.

Fiona Kane:

And so what? My encouragement to you, what I'm inviting you to do, is to just remember and learn how to kind of take a pause, ask some questions, do some reviewing, reframing, realistic goals, realistic expectations, all of those things, and then that will help you not get overwhelmed and not get overly stressed about things that you have no control over, because often I see in these situations as well, what happens is people absolutely fall over themselves to try and get this project done. They finish the project and then the boss comes along and says, oh, actually we're not doing that anymore, we're going to throw that out, or we're going to do it this way instead, or actually we're going to do it, but we're not going to do it completely different. So just delete that, we'll start again. So you've put everything into it and you haven't spent time with your family and you've done all this overtime, often unpaid, and if you're really really stressed and if you're really really wrung out and they're like, oh yeah, well, we're not doing that now, that's really really common. It's more common than what you'd realize.

Fiona Kane:

So, anyway, that's my invitation to you and I hope that you find that sort of useful, as I know it doesn't in not every situation. Everyone's situation is different. Everyone's work situation is different the type of work you do, the urgency and the sort of kind of commitment that your job needs. But most of us, as I'm always saying to my clients, most of us are not emergency brain surgeons. So there's a little bit of leeway there where you can negotiate things to ensure that you stay physically and emotionally well and you actually enjoy going to work and doing your job and you have a healthy workplace and just within your sort of team, your workplace, your workspace or whatever that it is overall kind of a healthy group of people, rather than sort of what. Often in these situations it just becomes this toxic place that people want to get away from as fast as they can. So anyway, I hope that you find that useful. Please like, subscribe, share and all that. And you know, at the Wellness Connection podcast it's.

Fiona Kane:

You know, what I try and do is have conversations, important conversations about things that matter. And this really does matter because the level of stress it causes people and the level of division in workplaces and in relationships and that sort of thing that happen over these workplace things that can cause people a lot of stress. You think about how much time we spend at work when we're in a stressful environment and we've got a lot of stress being put on us, a lot of unrealistic expectations. It really does affect our stress. So physical and emotional health. Anyway, I'll talk to you again next week. Thanks Bye.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Fiona Kane

Host